DEAR YOUNGER ME
I’ve recently been searching through my memories – you know, just trying to figure out my past and how it all fits together. I want to see how God’s plan for me has been laid out so far… how the puzzle pieces of things fit together.
I look at the hardships I’ve faced + wonder why so many? Why so difficult? It’s strange (for lack of better words) to look back at my life and then look at where I stand today – maybe the happiest I’ve ever been. Okay, scratch “maybe” … definitely. I mean don’t get me wrong; life is quite difficult right now too. But I’m happy and I have my God to give my everything to in thanks for this happiness and this beautiful life.
My good friend Zoey was going through her old journals ripping pages out with excitement from the things she had once written. I realized, I had been meaning to write my life down somewhere so I can remember the incredible things God is doing in my life now, but memories started to slowly fade away before I ever “found time” to actually write in a journal.
As I was driving a few month back, trying to put these life puzzle pieces together I was listening to a song that I hear often on the radio – “Dear Younger Me” by MercyMe was playing, and for some reason the lyrics hit me a little harder than usual. Wait, what would I actually say to the younger me? Would I want to change anything? And if I could/did, would I even be where I am today?
This is a letter that I wrote to myself…it’s to younger me but for future me. I figured I’d share it because maybe it’s relatable. Maybe it’ll speak to my little sister, mother, or girlfriends in some way. Maybe one day I’ll need a friend to hold me accountable to the things I’ve written for myself when I need it the most.
Dear younger me –
You will be taught about Jesus in Bible school Sunday mornings. That day when your Sunday school teacher tells you that you will leave everything behind to follow Him, don’t freak out too much thinking that you cannot follow him because you could never give up your cat and teddy bear. One day that will make sense to you and you will give your whole life to Him.
Dear younger me –
You will begin to notice that it takes very little to hurt you and you will cry a lot. One day you will end up seeking help, and one day you will be completely healed. But for now, know that you are loved. And one day you will have the biggest heart for those suffering with depression.
Dear younger me –
One day your parents will finally make it back from Russia with your new little brother and it will be one of the greatest nights of your life. Be the best big sister you can possibly be because one day you will finally get test results back from the doctors that read "autism" You will be so relieved yet so scared. One day you will start to fight for the happiness of that little boy.
Dear younger me –
One day you will start to notice how judgmental others are – especially the girls. Embrace your weirdness. Don’t push your talent and love of art under the rug. Popularity is not real so be who you dream to be and don't worry about what those girls think.
Dear younger me –
One day your parents will get divorced. Do not let this become your perception that this is what marriage has to look like and never forget how strong your mother is.
Dear younger me –
One day you may start to feel as if you’re not smart enough. Don’t let those thoughts consume you. One day you will realize that no seventh grader should ever have to go through what you did in one year. Your grades do not define you.
Dear younger me –
Many days you will stand in the mirror and hate your body – whether it’s the way you look, or the way you feel. Never, ever forget how beautiful God made you. Practice self-love daily.
Dear younger me –
One day you will have to stop dancing, but never let go of the happiness that it gave you. Look forward to the nights that you dream of dancing without struggle and without pain. Maybe heaven will be like that.
Dear younger me –
Never take your Papa for granted. Ask him about his stories because he is wise and has lived a full life. One day, when it’s time, God will take him. Saying goodbye will be one of the hardest things you do. Hold on to his happiness and know he is your guardian angel.
Dear younger me –
One day you will want all of this to end because you will hurt so, so much. Turn to your God because one day, the day that you ask Him to, He will heal you and give you the greatest happiness.
Dear younger me –
Men will hurt you. Not all of them, but some will break you. Ask God to pick up the pieces and do not lose hope. Just find yourself, love yourself, and live in the peace that God has promised you, one day, a love that will last you forever.
Dear younger me –
Don’t shrug off political views and values. Do not deny that you take stances on the issues. One day you will realize that you are a feminist and always have been. You will fight to destroy sexism and stand up for other women.
Dear younger me –
One day you will learn that its time to leave. Whether it’s your home, your job, or that unhealthy relationship you’re in. Don’t be afraid to jump. Do it. Leave. Listen because He’s promising you so many opportunities that will come with time. Trust Him and be patient.
Dear younger me –
One day you will stop caring about what other people think about you. You will discover freedom in just being yourself. You will learn that by sharing your own insecurities with others, you can actually help others.
Dear younger me –
Some days you will feel so small in this world. Don’t let that trouble you too much. Remember that God sees and knows your heart. He has big plans for you to make a difference in people’s lives, which is ultimately making a difference in the world.
Dear younger me –
One day you will know what God has called you to do in this life. Just be patient because it may not be time yet. Enjoy the present and know that everything will fall into place eventually.
Dear younger me –
One day you will look back on your past and you will no longer be ashamed of the mistakes you made. The mistakes and the hard times are to build character and give you purpose.
Dear younger me –
You will one day have peace with not being in control. You will have peace with every little thing that goes right or even wrong in your life because of the promise that He is holding your hand every second. You will have peace with the promise that He has a plan and it is so very BEAUTIFUL.
